This is taken from an email that was sent to me :-)
Christmas Health and Safety.
Before we
get down to the happy business of singing Christmas Carols, the following are
some things to consider from an Elfin Safety point of view:-
Jingle
Bells.
Dashing
through the snow, in a one horse open sleigh
O'er the
fields we go laughing all the way
A risk
assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for
members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider
whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture,
particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission
must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending
those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is
moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.
While
Shepherds Watched.
While
shepherds watched their flocks by night all seated on the ground,
The angel
of the Lord came down and glory shone around
The union
of Shepherd's has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to
insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating
arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs
are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement
weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks
via cctv cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please
note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his / her glory all
around she / he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses
capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.
Rudolph
The Red Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph,
the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose.
And if
you ever saw him, you would even say it glows.
You are
advised that under the Equal Opportunities policy, it is inappropriate for
persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr. R.
Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games
will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against
those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented
and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst
this investigation takes place.
Little
Donkey.
Little
donkey, little donkey on the dusty road
Got to
keep on plodding onwards with your precious load
The RSPCA
have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of
small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is
guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are
required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the
increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to
wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has
expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be
simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof
may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.
We
Three Kings.
We three
kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we traverse afar.
Field and
fountain, moor and mountain following yonder star
Whilst
the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a
later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of
frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils
and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would
be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give
a gift voucher.
We would
not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to
reach their destinations and suggest the use of GPS or SatNav, which will
provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note
as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying
the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks
for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the
camels hooves.
Away
in a Manger.
Away in a
Manger No Crib for a bed
That's
enough ......... call Social Services.
Ritch@KR